The One That Was The Night Before

Well, I go into hospital tomorrow and am having surgery on Wednesday..!

I've had a great day today. Very, very tiring but really lovely :'). All my friends came round for pizza and ice-cream and my highly awesome-artistic friend Amy made me this gorgeous 'good luck' card with the sweetest, most inspiring message (she alerted me to the fact that we've now known each other for 14 YEARS!! :O). Another one of my friends, Claire, made a 'good luck, we'll be there for you' video-montage of all us gals which, upon seeing it later, made my mother cry!
I love my friends so much..they are my rock(s).
I probably shouldn't but I can't help but hope that next time we're all together, I'll be able to listen, to them talk, with ease and follow the conversation smoothly. Call me paranoid, negative or superstitious, but I can't help worry (and I know this is stupid) that thinking positively or hoping that the desired outcome (senses restored) will happen will mean it, well..won't.

The surgeons will put me on traction straight away, when I'm still in theatre. They're gonna take all the metal that was put in last time (halo round 1) out, so to avoid mega-life-threatening brain slippage, I'll be attached to the bed straight away (when I come round). I remember last time, the weights were only applied later on. I made a big ceremony of going to the loo for the 'last time'  (in a week). Ahh yes..the loo situation. More on that in a sec. Anyways, my parents told me that I'll be on the HDU (high dependency unit) for a few days so they can keep an eye on my flimsy, metal-less spine. This means, 24/7, screaming babies and blinding lights, It's my mum I really feel for. I plan to be doped up and outta it, for the best part of next week, but my mum won't have the peace and luxury of morphine and diazepam, like me.
Right..the loo. I am about to be subjected to regular humiliation, every day and night. I'll keep it short and..er, savoury. Cardboard potty. Doting mother. Attached to a bed. You get the picture. Next time you use the bathroom, thank your lucky stars that you don't have to do it hooked up to a hospital bed.
I'm not very religious, but every night I go to bed and I pray to god, that everything will work out. I don't know if I'll get a chance to supply an update before surgery. Hell, I don't know if I'll even be able to, once I'm in traction! So please wish me luck.

I'm so tired. Just so tired of feeling tired and all I can do is hope and pray that it will change...

EH
xo

The One With My 'Feelings'

My feelings...feelings. Hmmm. I'm terrified. So, so terrified. Not so much for the operation (although I am, of course), but for after. Maybe that's obvious. Maybe, because I'm expecting people to expect me to be afraid, only, of the actual procedure, they'll know why that isn't the scariest part for me. Hmm...yeah, I'm not too sure what I just wrote (I'm tired and just typing as I think). I just read it back and I, myself, have no clue. It doesn't even really matter. All that matters is how petrified I am. Sure, I'm petrified of the-actual-opp and all the things that could go wrong, because it IS really, rather 'mega' surgery (neck, spine..!), but I guess I haven't really sat down and properly thought about it. Even if, in medical terms, it's considered a success (as in no brain-damage or paralysis...oh shit, now I've started), to me it won't, REALLY, have worked if everything, that I'm praying gets fixed...doesn't.

Not even everything. I just want my hearing back.

But what I'm REALLY scared about is it not working. I can't really remember last time, when I was in traction (it seems I was pretty drugged up on diazepam). But apparently it took a few days before my hearing snapped back into place. *babble, babble* the point I'm trying to make is that I've been told (albeit, only by my mum - we have yet to get an actual informative appointment), that it could take longer for everything to settle down. *loooonng exhale*
Last time I had the halo they were looking to fix my basilar invagination. A symptom of my, very rare bone condition, and something that caused me to suffer from horrifying 'stroke-like' episodes amongst other issues. Well, they fixed it up very nicely (no 'episodes' since), but unfortunately left a serious of, whilst not potentially-life-threatening like before, nasty symptoms behind.
What I'm hoping is that; they fixed what they set out to fix last time, and had no way of foreseeing the awaiting reprucussions, so now that they are focusing on the present problems, they really should be able to fix them. That's what I'm basing my logic on, anyhoo. But, of course, all this opens up the worry; what's gonna go wrong this time? What new, unforeseeable problems will arise from this operation? What, what. What if, what if. It's all one big 'what if?'

Phew. I must go. I can't stay. I'm having bisphosphinate treatment at the moment and I'm SHATTERED (probably why none of the above makes much sense).gfxfykhkkhtraaadfvs..

Bye-bye,
EH
x

The One With The Conformation

Just a short one. So, when we got The Answer we were given a provisional surgery date for the 23rd of April. Last time I had the halo the pro.date was bull, and I ended up going in a week later, so I wasn't expecting to actually have surgery on the 23rd..but hey, what'd ya know? Booked in for the 23rd! I'm officially awaiting our "letter of conformation"...

When my dad told me I was like, 'woah it's happening' and he was like, 'yeah...only three weeks' and I was like, '!*>}_\^$|\](&-!'
We break up for Easter in like a week (revisionrevisionrevision :/ ), then I'm going with my parents to Majorca in a couple of weeks (wooo!) and then surgery in three.
I think it's good cos it's not to long that we get impatient (plus, hopefully it means it'll be off by the beginning of August and I'll be better for the start of term), but long enough that I can have some fun and do some things and see some friends before the opp. :)
Told you it was a shorty..;)

EH x