The One With The Answer...

..Yes! It is happening. I am now awaiting surgery! Aaannndd they say I should have surgery within just over a month! Wooo!

But eurgh...the night before the deciding meeting, I was a mess. I had absolutely no idea what I would do if they said no. I knew that, even if we got the go-ahead, it wouldn't (won't) necessarily work. In fact 40-50% says it wouldn't (won't)...but how could I handle knowing that there was the possibility of a solution out there, without being able to get at it?

I'll try, my best, to describe how I was feeling, the night of the 18th. Mainly terror and dread, at how I would feel if I got a no..because, if I'm honest, I couldn't really see why I'd get a no. The way I saw it, (and tried not to see it) was, 'the last time I had this operation, I was of way worse health then I am now. My organs all work and I don't react badly to anesthetic..why shouldn't I get my 'yes'?' On the other hand, things had never really gone 'according to plan' for me..what was to stop this from being any different? Because of all this, I didn't really want an answer, yet I couldn't wait any longer. I had to know but I was so so scared of what I'd find out..

Upon my mum's suggestion, I wrote a list of all the things I'd be able to do if surgery was a no-go, like; enjoy 'muck-up day' at school, have a summer holiday abroad and definitely start 6th form, in September, along with everyone else...
But none of this could ever compare with the benefits of 'halo round 2', if it worked. And I knew this.

But it's alright. I got the yes.

Now? I'm feeling pretty numb...and exhausted. I'm told its because of all the build up to 'the answer', and now that I no longer have to worry about it it's like, whoosh! My mother is stuffing and squirting me with vitamin C and echinacea because she's worried I'm gonna get ill, now that I'm less 'on guard'. *eye roll*
Much to my dismay, she has declared that, whilst I'm still allowed to stuff my face in preparation for the inevitable weight loss, that always follows surgery, she will be drawing up an exercise regime. We had an exercise bike installed recently and I've hardly touched it, so that's first thing to change.
She's already pouring lakes of water down my gullet, making me eat more fruit n' veg (I don't care..I like fruit) and dragging me on what-seem-to-me-endless walks (although now more bearable, since the sun reappeared). But I really don't mind. I'll do anything I can to increase the chances of a rapid and successful recovery, and I know this is the best way to ensure that.

So to sum up..mixed feelings at the moment. Really, an almost overbearing majority of relief and elation with just a (well, rather sizeable) slither of fear. It's all good.

Ciao for now,

EH x